So my sister can't keep her legs shut. :)

It's a boy! I need some cool boy names to suggest for her. She and my brother-in-law want it to be a "strong" name (ugh). What the fuck that means, I have no idea...but I guarantee if I have any exposure to these kids Olivia will have the same level of confidence that this little boy will be raised to have.

Anywho, name suggestions anyone?

Anxious Masculinity Watch


Man, do I hate my job. That's why, tomorrow, I'm going everywhere with my resume.

I used to like it, but, it also used to not suck.

So anyway, on with the AMW.

Sunday night I picked up a hostessing shift for someone. I was all excited that my brand new high-waisted pants (I like to call them my Katherine Hepburn pants) fit me, which means I've lost some weight. Anyway, I wore those with a button-down shirt, which I buttoned almost all the way to the top, exposing nothing more than a little neck. I'm not there 5 minutes before one of the kitchen managers comes out and says, "Frankie, what's up? Trying to show off your boobs?"

Yes. In my outfit that exposes nothing more than neck and face, I'm trying to show off my boobs. The shirt isn't even tight, it's loose and kinda baggy. I felt pretty shitty and humiliated, and I shouldn't have, because I wasn't behaving like a fucking pig, HE was. But he not only said it to me, which is bad enough, but also in front of coworkers, and I thought it was pretty fucking shitty. I don't think I deserve humiliation or punishment for possessing breasts.

Later, I was standing in the pass-through (a section blocked away from customers), eating a cup of soup, and the same manager was laughing and looking at me with the other kitchen manager, also a fucking pig, and I wanted to fucking kill them. I said, "Gosh, why don't you get a fucking playboy? That way you'll actually get to SEE something." But I realized that a Playboy wouldn't give them the satisfaction of embarrassing and abusing someone like what they were doing to me does. Because I wasn't wearing a tight, lowcut shirt, or low-rise pants exposing a thong--I was completely covered up. The fun, I think, is in making a woman feel bad about herself.

My aunt Mary was the first in [my Wisconsin] family to have some of the specialty channels, and she shared her good fortune by taping movies and distributing them to other family members. I think it was the Blond Ambition tour, in 1990, that appeared on HBO, which she taped and sent to my house.

The opening song from that show, as performed in France

So, at the age of 9, 10, or 11, I would watch that tape. I liked the songs, the dances, and yes, the sexuality. I didn't understand a lot of it back then, and I'm sure my parents weren't 100% happy with me watching that so many times, but certain routines have been burned into my memory. Like a Prayer, Vogue, Like a Virgin, and Express Yourself. That is part of what I learned about female sexuality. A couple of weeks ago, I showed the youtube clip to Will, and his first reaction was "this is homoerotic." I came back with "No, this is not homoerotic, this is how I view heterosexuality as a strong woman."

Today, I'm watching this performance and really relishing the lyrics. This my announcement post - the announcement of me being single again, and I feel good.

Former Senator Steven Zander, known for his famous line "Due process is the process by which things are done," is evidently getting married. No word on whether or not twin brother Daniel will serve as best man.